Insert Appropriate Title Here
by crusherjaneway
Summary: Q's boredom leads him to put our characters into the most discouraging place yet--high school. RR
1. A Chapter

Ah yes, the continuing chronicles of TNG...that aren't mine.  
  
[Q sits in the middle of nowhere.]  
  
Q: Hell, I'm bored. There's nothing to do in the universe these days...  
  
[A light bulb appears above Q's head.]  
  
Q: That's it! I'll bother somebody. But whom shall I bother? Hmm...  
  
[Q mumbles incoherently]  
  
Q: Can't bother Janeway, she's in the mental hospital because of me...Picard? I guess he'll do...  
  
[Another light bulb appears over Q's head.]  
  
Q: I'll put them in a high school (in the 21st Century) and subject them to all the typical stereotypes!  
  
[Q2 pops in.]  
  
Q2: Hey dad, what ya doin'?  
  
Q: Having fun.  
  
[Q points to some words hanging in midair. They read:]  
  
~Presenting your favorite command team in a high school drama!~  
  
With Picard as...the guy that everyone looks to!  
  
With Riker as...the extremely hot macho football jock-strap wearing guy with a girlfriend!  
  
With LaForge as...the token black kid (that cares!)  
  
With Yar as...the slut!  
  
With Worf as...the silent guy that no one understands!  
  
With Dr. Crusher as...the pretty (but unpopular) drama club girl with friends!  
  
With Troi as...the girl known for excessive PDA with her football playing boyfriend!  
  
With Data as...the guy everyone hangs with!  
  
With Guinan as...the druggie!  
  
And Wesley Crusher as...the principal!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[Q2 stands in disbelief.]  
  
Q2: Dad, there once was a time when I thought you were cool. Now you're scaring me.  
  
Q: But it's-  
  
Q2: Creepy.  
  
Q2: I mean, if they all know and like each other it's not realistic.  
  
Q: Well, I hadn't thought of that...  
  
Q2: See, this was a bad idea. Why don't we just go home and-  
  
Q: NO!  
  
[Q slaps his son and prepares the high school environment.]  
  
Q2: Ouch, that REALLY hurt!  
  
[Q2 leaves.]  
  
Q: Now my greatest creation will unfold!  
  
[Q makes a bag of popcorn, a soda, and various other refreshments appear before him.]  
  
Q: Let the games begin.  
  
Chapter One: Right before homeroom on Monday  
  
[Everyone can see the school's most talked about couple, Will and Deanna. Will has Deanna smashed against a locker as he sticks his tongue down her throat. People just walk past them as they do their morning ritual. Beverly approaches the couple. It's obvious that she has experience in prying them apart.]  
  
Beverly: Hey Dea!  
  
[By some miracle of God, Deanna separates herself from Will. The two remain in each other's arms.]  
  
Deanna: Hi Bev! You memorize that monologue yet?  
  
Beverly: I love monologues but I hate Shakespeare...so yes.  
  
Deanna: I studied the monologue with Will and Jean-Luc. Jean-Luc is really good at Shakespeare.  
  
[Beverly darts her eyes.]  
  
Beverly: Yeah, I know.  
  
[Before they can discuss more, Geordi and Tasha come up to talk to them.]  
  
Tasha: You two should get a room.  
  
Deanna: Well, you're the slut.  
  
Tasha: Yeah, but I don't play tonsil-hockey with my men in the halls.  
  
[Deanna frowns. Will tightens his grip on her waist.]  
  
Geordi: Hey y'all don't be hatin'.  
  
[Beverly mumbles something.]  
  
Deanna: That's a good idea Geordi; Tasha, I'm sorry.  
  
[Everything suddenly freezes.]  
  
Q: What is this? I want catfights!  
  
[Q2 pops in with ice on his face.]  
  
Q2: I TOLD you, they know each other. They won't be very entertaining.  
  
Q: Did I ASK for your opinion?  
  
Q2: Uh...no.  
  
Q: Then what are you doing?  
  
[Q2 disappears in shame.]  
  
(Jean-Luc Picard, Will Riker, Geordi LaForge, Tasha Yar, Worf, Dr. Beverly Crusher, Deanna Troi, Data, Guinan, and Wesley Crusher aren't mine. Actually, a full list of their names is only here for the bozo that doesn't already know them. Sorry. Next time, I promise there will be more action. And more length. Plus, this is my first total attempt at humor. I apologize if it sucks. R/R; I want it all flames included.  
  
As for my other work...well, I'm a lot like Leonardo DiVinci...in other words hope is all those of you who would like to see an end to my stories have) 


	2. Another Chapter

[Q paces in midair above homeroom 108.]  
  
Q: What can I do to make this more entertaining?  
  
[Q muses for a few moments, then a light bulb (yet again) lights up over his head.]  
  
Q: Voila! What makes for good teen (even though they aren't between the ages of 13 and 19) drama? A huge test!  
  
[Q pauses for another moment.]  
  
Q: A final! This is going to be great!  
  
[Q prepares the final exam in each class.]  
  
Q: Now we begin again...  
  
[All of our favorite characters sit in homeroom. All of them...Jean-Luc, Will, Geordi...you get it they're all there.]  
  
Data: Geordi, make me a "paper airplane."  
  
Geordi: Why?  
  
Data: I have to watch you do it to learn it. You know, "monkey see, monkey do."  
  
Geordi: Stop using common metaphors. It's annoying.  
  
[Geordi makes a paper airplane under the watchful eye of Data.]  
  
Geordi: You throw it.  
  
Data: Okay.  
  
[Data throws the airplane. It hits Tasha squarely in the back of the head.]  
  
Tasha: Hey!  
  
Data: Sorry.  
  
Will: Jean-Luc, throw one. It's amusing. Twenty bucks says I can hit Beverly...  
  
Jean-Luc: Fine.  
  
[Jean-Luc folds a paper airplane and throws it. The airplane hits the person walking into the door.]  
  
Wesley: Who threw the airplane?  
  
[Silence.]  
  
Wesley: If the guilty student doesn't come forward soon, I'll make the entire class fail their finals.  
  
[More silence.]  
  
Random student: What are you doing here, Mr. Crusher?  
  
Wesley: Your teacher is ill. Budget problems prevented the use of a substitute today.  
  
Guinan (whispers): Beverly, are you and the principal related?  
  
Beverly: NO.  
  
Wesley: Miss Crusher, am I to assume that you threw the paper airplane?  
  
[Q2 appears next to Q; everything freezes.]  
  
Q2: Wouldn't she be "Miss Howard?"  
  
Q: Hmmm...good point. I don't feel like changing it though. Go home.  
  
[Q2 just leaves. Everything else resumes its proper course.]  
  
Beverly: No sir.  
  
Wesley: Well, talking during my lecture is also insubordination of the same kind. I, however, am feeling particularly generous today. Don't do it again.  
  
Beverly: Okay.  
  
Wesley: Anyway-  
  
[The Pledge of Allegiance cuts Wesley off. Then announcements last until the bell. Bell rings, and the class vacates the room.]  
  
[The entire gang sits at the same table (not in homeroom, dumbass) at lunch. Deanna and Will are feeding each other, while Beverly reads a play. Tasha is reading a book and Guinan is trying to pry Worf's childhood out of him. Geordi and Data are discussing Geordi's crush, Leah Parker. Jean- Luc is actually eating.]  
  
Geordi: Data, I just can't go up to her and introduce myself. She'll think I'm an idiot.  
  
Beverly (under her breath): That's for sure.  
  
Geordi: What Bev?  
  
Beverly: Nothing, just thinking aloud.  
  
Jean-Luc: Which play are you reading?  
  
Beverly: Hamlet by Shakespeare. (Fanfiction.net won't accept my underline. I do respect the work however. So pretend it's underlined.)  
  
Jean-Luc: I know.  
  
[Tasha, who has been half-listening to the conversation, buts in.]  
  
Tasha: If you knew what she was reading, why did you ask?  
  
Geordi: Damn, you're blonde.  
  
Tasha: I resent that; it's stereotyping.  
  
Geordi: People stereotype me all the time, y'all, just because I'm black.  
  
Data: We do not.  
  
[Sensing the uncomfortable situation brewing, Deanna speaks up.]  
  
Deanna: Everyone's worried about finals.  
  
Geordi: Why shouldn't we be?  
  
Tasha: Yeah, finals are the hardest tests of the year.  
  
Deanna: Maybe we should all study tonight.  
  
Will: That's a good idea, but I'm not disciplined enough to study.  
  
[Will demonstrates this point by initiating a mating ritual with Deanna. She shrugs him off.]  
  
Deanna: We know that.  
  
Guinan: I can make sure we all stay awake tonight...I've got enough to share. And one dose is only ten dollars, just for you guys.  
  
Jean-Luc: Uh, no thanks.  
  
Worf: The use of drugs to facilitate study is dishonorable.  
  
Guinan: You won't be preaching from that bible later.  
  
Deanna: Why don't we all gather at my house tonight and study together? We're in all the same classes, so why not?  
  
Will: That's a great idea. (To Deanna): I won't bring condoms.  
  
Deanna: WILL! That's not what's going to happen tonight.  
  
Will: Sure.  
  
Deanna: We are all going to STUDY. Nothing more. Be at my house at seven.  
  
[The group provides a chorus of affirmatives.]  
  
Guinan: Worf, why are you so quiet?  
  
Worf: Beverly is quiet, yet you do not inquire as to why she is.  
  
Guinan: That's not what I mean. We all know Bev is just asocial.  
  
Beverly: Am not.  
  
Guinan: Whatever. Seriously Worf, why?  
  
Worf: My upbringing taught me to be respectful of all those speaking.  
  
Guinan: Right.  
  
[Bell rings. Everyone splits up to travel to his or her respective classes.]  
  
[Later, at the Troi residence, everyone is sitting with his or her books on Deanna's coffee table. No one seems to be interested in studying, however. They want excitement.]  
  
Tasha: This is boring.  
  
Geordi: Hate to say it but she's right.  
  
Guinan: Since when do you talk like you're educated?  
  
Geordi: I decided to begin changing my image, that's since when.  
  
Guinan: Oh. Deanna, do you have something to drink?  
  
Deanna: Sure, it's in the fridge.  
  
[Guinan gets up and walks into the kitchen.]  
  
Guinan: Anyone want anything?  
  
[Everyone yells out what they want. Oddly, each person has a thirst that needs quenching. A few minutes later, Guinan returns with glasses of white liquid.]  
  
Beverly: That's not what I wanted.  
  
Guinan: Yes it is; you just haven't realized it yet.  
  
[She dispenses the glasses. Everyone takes tentative sips.]  
  
Deanna: This is wine!  
  
Guinan: So?  
  
Deanna: My mother will never let me live if she finds out I've been drinking!  
  
Jean-Luc: Who cares about your mother?  
  
[Deanna gasps.]  
  
Deanna: How dare you?  
  
[Jean-Luc smiles. Everyone still sips their drinks, even though they know the nature of the substance.]  
  
Will: I have to defend my lady.  
  
[Will just sits and drinks more wine.]  
  
Guinan: More?  
  
[Everyone nods. She brings back some tequila.]  
  
Guinan: Sorry, we're out of wine.  
  
[Everyone still sips. Studies are forgotten.]  
  
Worf: I was a lonely child. I didn't think anyone loved me. I wanted to go back to that planet with the rest of the Klingons.  
  
[Beverly moves to sit next to Jean-Luc.]  
  
Beverly: Really Worf?  
  
Worf: Really.  
  
Tasha: This is what I call a party. More alcohol, serving wench.  
  
Guinan: Coming right up.  
  
[Will takes a huge gulp of tequila and stands up and stumbles over to Jean- Luc, who has his arm around Beverly.]  
  
Will: Upon further consideration, I've decided to beat you up. I've never liked you.  
  
Jean-Luc: Never?  
  
Will: Well, I liked you until you insulted Deanna.  
  
[Will throws a punch in midair and completely misses Jean-Luc, who is still sitting. Will walks back to his spot next to Deanna. Jean-Luc picks up his math book.]  
  
Jean-Luc: Prepare to die, bitch.  
  
[Jean-Luc aims at Will's head and tosses his book. Jean-Luc's aim is true and Will hits the ground. Deanna kneels next to him and plays nurse. Jean- Luc leans over and gives Beverly a long victory kiss.]  
  
Tasha: Data, let's go into a more private room...  
  
[Data and Tasha leave.]  
  
Geordi: Can I come with you?  
  
Guinan: They're going to have sex loser. That means that Data doesn't need you.  
  
Worf: I feel like singing "A British Tar."  
  
[Upon hearing the word "British," Jean-Luc breaks his kiss with Beverly and stands with Worf to sing.]  
  
Jean-Luc and Worf: A British tar is a...  
  
[Both fall to the ground laughing. Everything freezes again.]  
  
Q: Now this is what I'm talking about.  
  
[Time resumes.]  
  
Beverly: Jean-Luc, let's get back to what we were doing...  
  
[No one has noticed that Deanna and Will are making out on the floor. Just as Beverly and Jean-Luc get comfortable, Worf passes out, and Guinan refills her 20th drink, Luwaxana Troi enters via the front door.]  
  
Troi: What in the fifth house is going on here?  
  
[She kicks Deanna and Will, throws wine onto Jean-Luc and Beverly to break them up, acknowledges that Worf is out cold, and takes the bottle from Guinan's hand.]  
  
Troi: All right, get out; get out all of you!  
  
[Silence. Muffled noises come from the bedroom.]  
  
Troi: Who in the hell is in my bedroom?  
  
[She goes back and opens the door. A few screams are heard. Soon Data and Tasha leave the room, followed by Luwaxana.]  
  
Troi: All of you leave my house immediately. No wait, I'm calling your parents.  
  
[Everyone sits down and waits. Soon angry parents come and pick up their soon-to-be-dead kids.]  
  
[Meanwhile, Q sits in complete stitches.]  
  
Q: I can't wait for the verbal reprimands!  
  
(I don't own Trek or any part of it. Hope you enjoyed this part. R/R!) 


	3. Yet Another Chapter

The honor of the names goes to Amanda. If you don't like them, then tell her about it. If you can't guess, some of this chapter takes place on AOL Instant Messenger.  
  
Bev-redvixen5  
  
Jean-Luc-dixonhill1701  
  
Geordi-dashiznit  
  
Worf-honorbound  
  
Deanna-chocolatelvr  
  
Will-number1  
  
Data-data100101  
  
Guinan-whoopicushion  
  
Tasha-theLionessofAvalon  
  
Wes-stickindamud  
  
*This story is going to be written in true AIM fashion: in other words, no grammar, no spelling correctly, and other typos. So don't flame me in your review. You WILL review, right? I thought so.  
  
[Enter everyone on the Internet, save Wesley.]  
  
whoopicushion: so hows every1  
  
theLionessofAvalon: still grounded thanx to u  
  
whoopicushion: its only ben a day  
  
theLionessofAvalon: so im still mad  
  
number1: at least u can complain  
  
number1: my dad didn care  
  
chocolatelvr: its okay baby  
  
dixonhill1701: robert isnt gonna let this go ever  
  
redvixen5: y  
  
dixonhill1701: cuz i messd up  
  
redvixen5: o  
  
honorbound: i am grounded for six months  
  
dashiznit: ur rents really were that mad?  
  
honorbound: no, i punished myself  
  
dashiznit: oic  
  
data100101: My father made me learn a lesson by working as punishment. So I suppose I was grounded.  
  
redvixen5: omg data why do u hav to b so complicated  
  
dixonhill1701: u get that part bev?  
  
redvixen5: no or i wouldn't b here  
  
whoopicushion: g2g  
  
chocolatelvr: was not sposed to b on here mom just found me bye  
  
[chocolatelvr and whoopicushion sign off.]  
  
number1: wat u talking bout w/parts?  
  
redvixen5: u no my part in de play  
  
dixonhill1701: how come im the only 1 who nos bout Beverly in a play  
  
theLionessofAvalon: cuz no 1 else cares  
  
honorbound: im getting off  
  
dashiznit: mee to  
  
[honorbound and dashiznit well, get off.]  
  
redvixen5: ishould b going 2  
  
dixonhill1701: yep me also  
  
[They leave.]  
  
data100101: Perhaps we should all consider calling it "a night."  
  
[With that, all sign off.]  
  
[The next day in school at lunch, all sit and discuss the usual high school things. In other words, it's sex, sex, and more sex here. Or on the rare occasion, other gossip.]  
  
Beverly: Did you hear that Lia Mitchell and Shane Snyder slept together?  
  
Deanna: Bev, that's old news.  
  
[Will, Jean-Luc, Worf, Tasha, and Geordi enter from the lunch line.]  
  
Will: Hate to say this, but this food is pure crap.  
  
Geordi: Ain't no way around it, y'all.  
  
Jean-Luc: Well, at least it's food.  
  
Tasha: Are you sure of that?  
  
Worf: One should never pass up the chance to eat.  
  
[Scene stops. Q appears with one of those lame posters from the cafeteria.]  
  
Q: Advice to live by.  
  
[Q2 enters.]  
  
Q2: This entire idea was lame. Still is.  
  
Q: Go away.  
  
Q2: You!  
  
[They both exunt; scene begins again.] ( exunt-plural form of 'exit;' used for group exits.)  
  
Tasha: But who cares about food? What's happened today?  
  
Data: I do believe that Shane and Lia "slept together." I do not fully understand the meaning of this phrase.  
  
Beverly: Why don't you ask our gossip queen?  
  
Deanna: I'm blushing. No, really, that happened a long time ago. The newest thing is that Guinan got busted. Is it true?  
  
[All turn and look at Guinan.]  
  
Guinan: No.  
  
Deanna: Okay...then back to Shane and Lia.  
  
Will (between bites): Who cares?  
  
Beverly and Tasha: We do.  
  
Deanna: Well, I just don't see how he could SLEEP with her.  
  
Beverly: You don't know how that works? And you and Will have done it too.  
  
[Mild laughter at table.]  
  
Deanna: That's not what I mean. She's bi. Not that I'm prejudiced, but it just is odd. She's not that pretty too. Plus she's a slut.  
  
Data: You possess some of those qualities in abundance.  
  
Deanna: Shut up. He has to be tested for all kinds of STD's now.  
  
Jean-Luc: Interesting.  
  
Geordi: Me and the homeboys...I mean we're all still going to Hogan's on the last day of school right?  
  
Beverly: Um hmm...  
  
Deanna: Back to Lia and Shane.  
  
Worf: Oh Lord.  
  
Deanna: I don't know how she could, uh...excite him. That's all I have to say.  
  
Will: Personally, I think Lia is kind of hot.  
  
Geordi: Me too.  
  
Will: You guys know, when a hot girl comes around and suddenly you can't walk-  
  
[All of the guys nod.]  
  
Tasha: This is disgusting.  
  
Beverly: I agree get me out of here.  
  
Deanna: God, what did I start? Wait. Will, how DARE you be looking at other women!  
  
Guinan: I'm interested. Keep going.  
  
Geordi: We all know that Jean-Luc can't move when he sees-  
  
[Jean-Luc at this moment kicks Geordi under the table.]  
  
Geordi (in pain): Nevermind.  
  
Data: Our open discussion about the male sex drive is making the females in attendance feel uncomfortable.  
  
Will: Except for Guinan.  
  
Worf: Feelings should be kept hidden.  
  
[Bell rings. Everyone heads off to class. Post-party, a few things have happened: Jean-Luc and Beverly walk together and Worf is a lot quieter.]  
  
(Hope you all liked part three. Remember, my lunch table and its discussions inspire all this, which means this is based upon everything my friends and I do, plus normal high school myths. If you think my friends and I are perverted, you're probably right. Until next time.) 


	4. Uh, you know the drill

This story is set ABOUT 3 weeks before school lets out. Basically, when school ends, so does this story. I've got a few more chapters in me before my brain finally dies out, so never fear. A lot is going on at BVAHS (my school, nitwit) so I have a plethora of material. *EXPECT TO SEE SOMETHING ABOUT BUDGET CUTS IN THE NEAR FUTURE.* Now on with the story! (Just mentioning this, but in the ep "the vengeance factor," did anyone notice that the Gatherers all have mullets? Just saying.)  
  
[We see Q trying to catch a frog.]  
  
Q: Stop! I have to dissect you!  
  
[The frog stops and morphs into Q2.]  
  
Q: That reminded me of those horrible books. You know, Anamorphs? (That seems like something Q would say. Besides, I didn't really enjoy the books. Sorry. Remember-no underlines on fanfic.net, at least I can't put them in.)  
  
Q2: The continuum thinks you're crazy. They tried to stop you, but Mom started to make a big deal of how you're old and eccentric and can't do a thing-  
  
Q: Normally, I'd kill you for calling me old, but not today. I'm watching my lab rats.  
  
Q2: I'll be back to bother you later. Personally, this bores me.  
  
Q: Me aburre, me aburre. Can't you think of anyone other than yourself?  
  
Q2: I know what you said...remember I'm all-powerful too.  
  
Q: But not all-knowing. Now leave.  
  
[Q2 leaves. Q2 really seems like a wimp now, doesn't he?]  
  
[We see our faithful friends in biology class. This is the period before lunch, and the only class that they all have together. They take the same classes, but not during the same periods...except for this one. Now Esperance! (Whoa too much Shakespeare)]  
  
Teacher: You will come up and get your frogs one group at a time. The person you elected to cut will make the incision below the jaw and down toward the cloaca.  
  
[Before she can continue, the announcement bell goes off. The principal, Wesley, is heard.]  
  
Wesley: Students, do not, I REPEAT, do NOT show public displays of affection in this building. This includes kissing, hugging, etc. Teachers, if you see a public display of affection WRITE THE INVOLVED STUDENTS UP. Thank you.  
  
[Intercom cuts off. Students are laughing; Deanna and Will both look devastated.]  
  
Geordi: Ouch. Looks like they won't have any fun at school for a while.  
  
Tasha: Poor Will. This is all he hopes for in the morning. And Deanna, she won't get to feel the locker door for some time.  
  
Guinan: I guess Will won't get to have some cherry lip gloss either. That was his daily requirement for fruit, too.  
  
Geordi: Denied!  
  
Beverly: Guys, pay attention.  
  
[Teacher looks at table and glares.]  
  
Teacher: Group 4! GROUP 4!!  
  
[Jean-Luc and Worf go up and get the frog.]  
  
Will: Data, I nominate you for cutting.  
  
Data: I agree. I am the most precise one present.  
  
[Data cuts in. Surprisingly, there is no smell. The group can see all of the organs inside of the frog's body.]  
  
Will: It's disgusting.  
  
Beverly: No it's not; it's nature.  
  
Jean-Luc: We can see that, Beverly.  
  
Beverly: Jean-Luc!  
  
[All sit, silenced. A few moments go by before Will makes a whip-cracking sound.]  
  
Will: You're whipped.  
  
[All agree, save Bev and Jean-Luc.]  
  
Geordi: I want to hold the frog.  
  
[Geordi picks the frog up and moves it through the air. He makes the frog dance.]  
  
Tasha: Geordi, put the frog down.  
  
[Geordi is giggling like a madman now.]  
  
Geordi: No, I refuse.  
  
[Will grabs the frog from Geordi and gives it to Data. He grabs the pins to pull the skin away from the organs, and hold the frog down. He tries to put the pins in and accidentally jabs the pin through the frog's arm.]  
  
Data: I do believe I have made a mistake...  
  
Geordi: Uh, oops...  
  
[Guinan grabs the other pin and puts it through one of the frog's nostrils. The pin comes out of the nostrils inside the frog's mouth.]  
  
Guinan: Cool.  
  
[Will tries to pull on the tongue to see how long it is. He pulls it out and snap; it's all out.]  
  
Will: Uh, guys...I think I pulled his tongue out.  
  
[Beverly has just finished studying the inside of the frog.]  
  
Beverly: Will, it's a girl.  
  
Will: Oh.  
  
Jean-Luc: Perhaps we should rectify the situation by WORKING.  
  
Geordi: What would you do to this frog if it were Beverly?  
  
Jean-Luc (shifts eyes): Goof off all you want.  
  
Tasha: That's right, Jean-Luc.  
  
[Just then Wesley walks in to observe the class.]  
  
Wesley: I love to watch my students. It takes me back to the days when I thought I could do better than principal.  
  
[Wesley watches as Data expertly takes the frog and removes its itty-bitty little stomach.]  
  
Data: I am lead to believe that there is an insect inside of this frog's stomach.  
  
All: Neat!  
  
[All lean in to see what is basically a very small pile of black nothing.]  
  
Teacher: Clean up! Test on frog parts tomorrow!  
  
[Jean-Luc cleans up the unholy mess that was their frog.]  
  
Guinan: I don't think I'm going to be able to eat after this...  
  
Will: Sure you will. Today's nacho day.  
  
Guinan: Ooh.....  
  
Worf: It is dishonorable to mutilate things that once lived.  
  
Tasha: Get in the spirit of things. Come on, or we'll never clean up fast enough.  
  
[They join in and disinfect the table. The bell rings and lunch awaits.]  
  
(I was going to add more to this one, but then it wouldn't be just a dissection, would it? I am pretty sure that I got all of the frog details correct, seeing as I just dissected one recently. Next chapter will be longer to compensate for the lack of length this one sees. Keep reading!)  
  
I realize I need a disclaimer: Paramount is the Star Trek lord. They own the dolls; I just put them into naughty positions.  
  
*Thanks to Roger for all of the frog-disgracing moves. If he hadn't done it, you wouldn't have had the pleasure of reading this chapter. Let's all thank Roger now. 


	5. Protest the continuation of chapters

Well, here it is: the beginning of the end. For me, two days remain of my freshman year of high school. This chapter will be based a lot on what happens here, as ALL of my work in this story is...earlier I told you that it was about 3 weeks before the end of the year. Well, in order to move things along, I had to bump it up so that for our beloved TNG crew, 5 days remain of school. So, this being one of the last chapters, read on.  
  
[It's during lunch and Beverly is in the restroom, well, using it. She's almost finished as a janitor approaches her stall.]  
  
[Janitor opens stall.]  
  
Beverly: What the hell?  
  
Janitor: I need that toilet paper miss.  
  
Beverly: Why?  
  
Janitor: Budget cuts.  
  
Beverly: But I'm not done.  
  
Janitor: I noticed. Here, I'll be nice and give you one square.  
  
[Rips of a square of toilet paper and hands it to Beverly. Beverly just stares at it in her hand.]  
  
Janitor: Have a good day!  
  
[Janitor leaves restroom. A few minutes later, Beverly leaves also and goes to her table.]  
  
Jean-Luc: Beverly, you look stunned. What happened in there?  
  
Beverly: They took the toilet paper.  
  
Will: All of it?  
  
Beverly: Everything except one square.  
  
Deanna: The janitor must be in a good mood.  
  
[Tasha, Data, Geordi, and Guinan come back from being in the lunch line.]  
  
Guinan (amazed): They didn't give me my change.  
  
Tasha: Hey, where's my drink?  
  
Geordi: This ain't cool. [Geordi pulls the bun off of his hamburger. All can see that the only thing on the bun is some moldy ketchup.]  
  
Data: They refused to acknowledge my need for condiments.  
  
Tasha: Data, you don't even have a burger.  
  
Guinan: Well still...  
  
Jean-Luc: They are making significant cuts in order to stabilize the budget.  
  
[Jean-Luc, ever informed, whips out a newspaper with an article entitled "TNG-LOSING MONEY?"]  
  
Jean-Luc: It reads: 'Once one of the "richer" school districts in the county, TNG has lost all of its money. How, though, has yet to be answered. Many residents of Paramount County are questioning if perhaps the influx of money was used to refurbish the football field, get a parking lot for the football field, or give the football staff higher pay. Irate residents claim "the administrators only care about football." School board president Rick Berman refutes the accusations, saying, "We do NOT care only about football. We NEEDED to renovate the four-year old field. We NEEDED to get an additional parking lot to compliment the other two. And finally, we NEEDED to increase Coach Braga's pay, for he has stayed loyally with us for the past three years. It was time."'  
  
'Only time will tell if TNG can fix it's problems. Until then, inhabitants of Paramount County are going to complain much louder.'  
  
[Our entire cast of characters sits blankly as Jean-Luc finishes.]  
  
Deanna: That article makes it sound as if the students don't care.  
  
[Everything stops. You know the drill, in comes Q.]  
  
Q: A protest will liven up THIS story.  
  
[A female enters and approaches Q.]  
  
FQ: Q, as your wife and mental stability, please return to the Continuum.  
  
Q: Never!  
  
FQ: The council is worried you might do something...something dangerous.  
  
Q: I won't. Just let me stay until the end of the school year.  
  
FQ: I'm worried. You haven't yelled at our son in days.  
  
Q: He hasn't come to get yelled at.  
  
FQ: You know what? I'm through with you! I'll let the council deal with this one.  
  
[Female Q leaves in an angry huff.]  
  
Q: Back to the old grind.  
  
[Q leaves and initiates the flow of time.]  
  
Guinan: We should protest. This is ridiculous.  
  
Will: Yeah, for the toilet paper using man's sake.  
  
Deanna: What about the toilet paper using WOMAN?  
  
[Will pauses.]  
  
Will: Uh...you too.  
  
[Deanna nods. Geordi makes whip-cracking sound.]  
  
Jean-Luc: Stop squabbling.  
  
Data: I am not babbling.  
  
[Jean-Luc hits his head with his hand.]  
  
Beverly: I'll get everyone I know to do it!  
  
Tasha: Um, Bev, we ARE everyone you know.  
  
Geordi: Ouch.  
  
[Worf, who has been quiet the entire time, speaks.]  
  
Worf: It is not honorable to "short-change" someone, or to protest. Are we sure we want to do this?  
  
Beverly: Yes. Still...okay, we'll do it alone.  
  
[They begin to use the rest of lunch to plan their protest.]  
  
Disclaimer: I think my disclaimer is spelled out earlier in the story...i.e., during the newspaper article.  
  
(Yeah, it's a short one. I just feel to lazy today to come up with anything else, so be happy. Besides, the more chapters, the happier you are right? Besides, my work will be of higher quality if I spread it out. Sorry it took so long to add on, but I've been busy. Happy trails!) 


	6. Chapter Final

Alas, the final chapter. I will try to make this one a long one...doesn't this feel like watching the last episode of a series? Feels like you're doing everything for the last time. *sob*  
  
Disclaimer: I own only the storyline. Everything else is Paramount's.  
  
[Our beloved cast is located outside of the school. Badly painted signs adorn the sidewalk as police approach the very few protesters.]  
  
Officer 1: I heard that there was a public disturbance taking place. Where is it?  
  
Tasha: Disturbance?  
  
Officer 2: A protest, in layman's terms.  
  
Beverly: THIS is the protest.  
  
Officer 1: Oh really? It looks as if you're hardly trying.  
  
Worf: It is not honorable to insult others' freedom of speech.  
  
Officer 1: I don't think protesting falls under freedom of speech in the Constitution.  
  
Officer 2: And just what are you protesting?  
  
Will: Bras.  
  
Deanna: Will!  
  
Jean-Luc: We're protesting the school's use of money, and how the cuts affect students.  
  
Officer 2: This is odd. Normally, a school official would be here, trying to regulate the crowd.  
  
Officer 1: There isn't a crowd. It doesn't seem that the school even minds that these students are out here.  
  
Officer 2: Well then...who called us?  
  
[Data steps forward.]  
  
Data: I did.  
  
Beverly: Data! We're not supposed to call, the school is!  
  
Data: In every record of protests I have read, the law intervenes. When an appropriate law enforcement agency did not arrive, I assumed the responsibility of calling.  
  
Geordi: That's our Data!  
  
Officer 1: You realize we can't possibly arrest you.  
  
Officer 2: We have no charges to bring up.  
  
Officer 1: We'd look like idiots.  
  
[Guinan puts her arms around the officer's shoulders and stands in between them.]  
  
Guinan: Gentlemen, gentlemen. I've got something that will make you see it our way.  
  
[Guinan pulls out some drugs, which, last time I checked, are illegal.]  
  
Officer 1: We can't arrest for the protest. We CAN arrest for these.  
  
[Officer 1 puts Guinan in handcuffs and Officer 2 takes the drugs and puts them in an evidence bag.]  
  
Geordi: Damn, they got her!  
  
[The Officers shove Guinan into a police car and leave.]  
  
Tasha: Let's go scrounge up some bail money.  
  
Data (in Sherlock Holmes voice): Yes, we shall free the fair Guinan from her confinement.  
  
Tasha: Stop that.  
  
[Q pauses the scene.]  
  
Q: Like so many other projects I begin, I grow bored of this one. I shall end this story now. Or close to now...  
  
[Q begins time again.]  
  
[In the cafeteria, the gang tries to get money for Guinan's release. They are in groups: Bev and Jean-Luc, Will and Deanna, Tasha and Data, Worf and Geordi.]  
  
[Beverly and Jean-Luc try their luck first.]  
  
Beverly: Hey, do you have any spare change?  
  
Jane Doe: No, I don't. I'm too POOR to have change.  
  
[Jane runs away crying.]  
  
Jean-Luc: Beverly, let me try.  
  
Jean-Luc: Do you have any extra money?  
  
Allen Chase: No, but I've got an extra condom. Want it? Looks like you and you're girlfriend haven't been satisfied in a while.  
  
Jean-Luc: No thanks.  
  
[We go to see how Will and Deanna are doing.]  
  
Will: Hey, you got any money?  
  
Billy Joe Bob: Nope. I ain't got no cash.  
  
Deanna: Thanks anyway. (to Will) Will, how are we ever going to find any money to free Guinan?  
  
Billy Joe Bob: Y'all say "Guinan?"  
  
Deanna: Yes.  
  
Billy Joe Bob: When Guinan's in trouble, I come to get her an'at. Here, have all of my money.  
  
[Billy Joe Bob gives Will five dollars.]  
  
Will: Thank you for your contribution.  
  
[Now to check up on Tasha and Data.]  
  
Tasha: Emily, do you have any money?  
  
Emily: What's it for?  
  
Data: Guinan is in jail. She has been imprisoned. We must free her. So, should we not pay bail?  
  
Emily: I don't know, I've never been there.  
  
Tasha: Do you or do you not have a bit of money to give.  
  
Emily: Sure! Why not!  
  
[Emily pulls a five out of her wallet and gives it to Tasha.]  
  
Emily: So glad I could help!!!!  
  
[Finally, Geordi and Worf. How are they doing?]  
  
Worf: I do not think it is honorable to beg for money off of others.  
  
Geordi: Do it for Guinan.  
  
[They approach a table.]  
  
Amanda: What do you want?  
  
Worf: We are collecting funds to release our friend from prison.  
  
Amanda: I don't give out money.  
  
Geordi: But the slammer must be awful...just like you.  
  
Amanda: Wait! My horoscope DID say to be generous today...all right, I'll spare one penny.  
  
[All of the cast meet up and add up their money.]  
  
Will: We have a grand total of...ten dollars and one cent.  
  
Beverly: That's not enough!  
  
Jean-Luc: What do we do now?  
  
Will: Let's ask Ryan Andrews.  
  
Jean-Luc: Already did. Said he couldn't 'spare a pound.'  
  
[Q pops in, but lets them see him.]  
  
Q: Thus, this is the end of your adventures. You can't do anymore here, although you really tried. You're just too boring.  
  
Will: How can you judge? You've got the worst hair cut in the universe!  
  
Q: Damn straight.  
  
[Q uses his fairy powers to send everyone back home. (including Guinan and Wes.)]  
  
Q: And may they have no memory of this.  
  
THE END.  
  
Or is it?  
  
I used a few people I know, as models for the students I apologize to them for making them look so bad. (Save Em, of course, she helped with her character.) 


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
The entire cast returned to the Enterprise-D, unaware that they were Q's pawns. However, some side effects appeared. For example, Will had the intense sensation to take Deanna, drag her to the nearest wall, and smash her against it. Then kiss her passionately until neither of them could breathe.  
  
After every battle, Jean-Luc felt like pulling Beverly close and giving her a victory kiss. Bev, meanwhile, wanted to act.  
  
Geordi began to use slang in his personal logs. Data pursued the mystery story genre and wrote a Sherlock Holmes mystery program, which he and Geordi found quite entertaining.  
  
Tasha never looked at Data the same way again. Something always made her think of the phrase "sex kitten."  
  
Guinan tried some more recipes for her drinks, including some that produced a state quite like being high.  
  
Worf honored honor even more. In fact, he had to be yelled at just so he would shut up about it.  
  
Wesley began walking onto the bridge like he owned the place. After a few days of that, Picard threw him in the brig. Never again was Wesley such a hotshot.  
  
Finally, Q decided not to bother Picard again until he was asking for it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That's all folks. I hope you enjoyed my first *complete* story!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trek or Sherlock Holmes. 


End file.
